That relationship that you need a miracle for

That relationship that you need a miracle for

Relationship: We all went to this place. And yet another sorrow falls on us.

There is a relationship that shatters us as it falls apart.

It doesn't matter if the relationship is intact or not. There is sadness in both aspects of the relationship: especially in absence, but also in presence. Ask the spouse of the person with dementia. What was so precious is gone forever. Sometimes presence resembles absence in the most cruel ways.

This is not just about marriage; it's about best friendships, collegial and professional partnerships and relationships with soul mates of all kinds - some of which we never designed and never thought would work, but did.

This is about any situation of grief that affects you about a relationship that needs a miracle. Sometimes that wonder is that you can let go of the relationship. Such a process is gradual learning, courageous risking, giving back to God what life has taken from us, and honoring compelling truth.

You may not be ready to let go yet. Sometimes that wonder is that you're looking for one that gives you the strength to hold.

Hope rests in faith to hold or wisdom to let go,

but oh what it takes to trust tomorrow.

What happens too often

Five months or fifty years ago something came together in all kinds of circumstances and situations that we might or could not have predicted.

A glue formed between us, and while things were good they were so healthy and productive and good. It wasn't just the love we shared. There was something wonderfully elusive that formed between us through the dynamics we shared. And most frustratingly, we can only testify to the potential that was carried between us if either of us or both of us look back.

Maybe they moved on without us. Maybe we should move on. What happens too often is something that unravels; destination or death. It sneaks up and suddenly happens or we could see it coming. Sometimes there are warnings and it is annoying when every communication method is exhausted and there is still no response.

The shattered relationship completely deconstructs which identity we have built together. It reconfigures our philosophy of life. It shakes us to the core. It can take us back to who we were. It may make us wonder who the hell we are. It can destroy us.

The answer...

"... unless there is an intentional attempt to repair and strengthen a [damaged] relationship, it will generally deteriorate."

- Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 219.

Reconciliation is a strange concept. It is highly marketable in nature. We can see that we have made all kinds of agreements with ourselves, but these were conceived in terms that only we could think of. Sometimes their terms are completely what we never expected. We must be ready for repentance.

There are countless possibilities when it comes to reconciliation, whether it be a personal reality, the revival of circumstances that once existed, or the reconciliation of them is over, and every variety in between.

Sometimes reconciliation is impossible, and acceptance is the destination where hope finally comes back to life. A necessary separation is taking place. Continuing brings healing and recovery. In these cases, acceptance is reconciliation.

All we can do is honor the truth above - deliberate effort is needed. When that effort has been made and to no avail, we are working on acceptance. If the effort is necessarily going on, so be it; we are called to a season of patience that may last five years, or a decade or more. It is our wisdom to leave it with God.

Any deterioration reminds us of the effort made

to bring it back to life.

Other deterioration is beyond our control.

All deteriorated relationships inspire us to pray.

We especially pray for peace.

What was cute in romance can become acute in conflict

What was cute in romance can become acute in conflict

Romance: A few years ago I read a few books by David Richo, and this is someone who really knows what he's talking about. Whether it's relationships or self-development in general, his books are packed with insights.

When I read two of his books in late 2013, I recently had a painful break. I was looking for answers and came across many things to think about - and apply - by reading these books.

A few quotes

This was a time when I read, "How do I become an adult" and "How do I become an adult in relationships"? There were two things he said that really stood out so I kept them as two quotes on my phone.

The first was, "the dedication to solving problems as they arise is the only sign that we really want complete intimacy," and the second was, "what was cute in romance can become acute in conflict." I think that while it is clear what the first means, the second is not so clear.

A closer look

When I think of this quote, I think about how a particular trait can be attractive at the beginning of a relationship, but it eventually becomes a problem as time goes by. In the beginning it will be perceived one way and as time goes on it will be perceived another way.

Being high on oxytocin - along with focusing on other properties - may play a role in why something is not perceived as a problem early on. Each person can get entangled in how they feel and the idealized image they have of the other, making it difficult for them to think and see the other clearly.

This will pass

Once they begin to settle down emotionally and are able to think and see more clearly, their view of the other will change. They will no longer float in the clouds; their feet will be back on earth.

One person may start to believe that the other person has changed even though they may be doing the same things they did when they first met. Taking all this into account, it is not hard to see why falling in love is seen as equating to high drug use.

A few examples

So when someone starts dating another person, they may appreciate how that person makes the big decisions, so they can lean back, so to speak. Or they can admire how outgoing they are and how they can easily start conversations with others.

However, as time passes, someone who makes the decisions can make them feel trapped and as if they can't express themselves. And being with someone so outgoing can make them feel ignored, jealous, and they may fear that their partner will cheat.

Final thoughts

If something like this happens, it's a good idea to step back and see what happens. If they can do this, they can take responsibility for their own baggage and minimize the amount of conflict that arises.

Many of the problems in our current relationships go back to what happened in our early years. This is something David Richo talks about in his book 'When The Past Is Present'.

Teacher, prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper is from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love and inner consciousness. With over a thousand eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

The role of food in your social life

The role of food in your social life

Social Life: The words "do you want to come and eat?" can be enough to cause concern to even the most confident of us. What will we wear, who else can be, if we take something with us, will we be able to eat what's on offer, which if something seems too terrible to eat!

I am sure we have all been there and gone through these questions before we go to someone's house. And when it comes to dining out, we can add questions about paying the bill, who drinks alcohol and who doesn't, how formal will it be.

A beautiful invitation to a relaxing meal can suddenly be overshadowed by an abundance of 'what if' thoughts that go through our heads. Fear of looking stupid, inexperienced, a picky eater can make us wonder if we should go.

Of course, all these concerns may depend on the circumstances of the invitation, on how well we know the person or persons involved. Is it a group invitation with colleagues, friends or family or is it a bit more formal, perhaps to join our partner to a business event? Is it a first date, the early stages of a new relationship or something that has been around for a long time?

And then of course there is the other role of food in your social life, the invitation to eat! What does that invitation mean? Will it be a light snack or something substantial? Preparing your response ahead of time so that you are properly gracious and appreciative no matter what is served is an important social skill.

Random social events and food are a potential minefield. I remember supermodel Jerry Hall saying she always had dinner before going to a reception so as not to be tempted by the high-calorie buffets that never fill you up. You never know what you'll find at buffets and canapé events! And then there's the danger of finger food, juggling with a drink, a plate, all while you're chatting or maybe wanting to greet someone or shake hands!

Let's not forget the food guards that monitor what everyone eats. They know who is dieting, who should be dieting! Do we dare to eat something too rich or have a dessert! Do we dare risk the raised eyebrows if we order a creamy pasta sauce or a sticky toffee pudding for dessert?

And allergies! Almost not everyone today has special dietary requirements, ranging from food intolerances to extensive lists of what they will and will not eat. The diverse demands of a larger group often justify eating out and choosing somewhere with an extensive menu suitable for everyone.

Money can be another hot potato. The bill! Should it be shared equally between all guests? But what about the people who barely ate and those others who had multiple courses or expensive choices? Some people may have wanted to be social and get involved, but can't afford to spend a lot. Should they subsidize the others? What about the wine drinkers and the non-drinking drivers? Is it a first date and if so, does the man have to pay, or can it cause discomfort or shame?

Having said this, social eating is a great way to relax and reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Taking time during a meal is fun and one of the most beautiful ways to spend a quiet afternoon or evening. Many restaurants now cater for family gatherings and it is a joy to see several generations sitting together for Sunday lunch, chatting and taking time.

Entertaining at home can be an easy way to spend time together, especially if several people have young children and don't want the potential stress of eating out. One suggestion could be that everyone contributes a dish, so spread the load in terms of cost and effort. Barbecues and picnics also come into their own during the summer months and are a fun way to enjoy outdoor dining and social life.

Safari evening meals are also a good idea, with residents in a street or community planning to take a course at each house and then travel an evening further. Introduce a theme and you end up with an unexpectedly fun time!

We all need to eat, so let's take full advantage of these opportunities to really enjoy the role of food in our social lives.

Susan Leigh, counselor, hypnotherapist, relationship therapist, writer, and media contributor provides assistance with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness, and confidence. She works with individual customers, couples and gives business workshops and support.

5 benefits of joining a friendship club

joining a friendship club

If you are thinking about becoming a member of a friendship club, you may be a bit intimidated. You can join a local or online club to make new friends. If you choose wisely, you can enjoy many benefits by being a member of a club. Below is a description of 5 benefits you can get if you make this decision after you have done your homework.

1) Meeting new people

When you join a club, you can meet new people. In these clubs you can get along with the members because you have many things in common with them. The majority of clubs regularly organize meetings so that all members can spend time together on the internet. So you can become friends with like-minded people.

2) Learn new skills

Members of a friendship club regularly contribute to this. In fact, every member has something to do. Just like them, you can do something that you already have a lot of experience with. Whether you are experienced or not, you always have something to know more about.

For example, you can improve your social skills. If you are part of a new company, you can therefore learn new skills and improve existing ones.

3) Improvement of time management skills

Although you cannot spend the same amount of time in each group, you can learn to manage your time. In the beginning you might find it difficult to give time to a friendship club, because you also have other obligations, such as school, work and family.

Once you have understood your role in a club, you can also find time for other things. Your time management skills also improve with time.

4) Gain experience

If you improve your time management skills, you can make it easier on the road. For example, you can become a member of a club where many discussions take place that can help you with your career. This is one of the most important benefits you can achieve if you make friends with the right people.

5) Improving trust

It takes a lot of courage to become a member of a club, especially if you have never done this before or if you are very busy. You may think that you cannot pass or get along with other members.

In the beginning it seems difficult, but you can go through the process because you have a number of common interests. These interests help you get closer to other members. Ultimately, this will increase your confidence. So you can talk to new people with more confidence. As you spend more time with club members, you can feel more comfortable with it.

In short, if you join a friendship club, we hope that the benefits explained in this article can encourage you to do your research and make this decision. So if you are going to take this step, we recommend that you do your homework to find out what is right for you.