What was cute in romance can become acute in conflict

What was cute in romance can become acute in conflict

Romance: A few years ago I read a few books by David Richo, and this is someone who really knows what he's talking about. Whether it's relationships or self-development in general, his books are packed with insights.

When I read two of his books in late 2013, I recently had a painful break. I was looking for answers and came across many things to think about - and apply - by reading these books.

A few quotes

This was a time when I read, "How do I become an adult" and "How do I become an adult in relationships"? There were two things he said that really stood out so I kept them as two quotes on my phone.

The first was, "the dedication to solving problems as they arise is the only sign that we really want complete intimacy," and the second was, "what was cute in romance can become acute in conflict." I think that while it is clear what the first means, the second is not so clear.

A closer look

When I think of this quote, I think about how a particular trait can be attractive at the beginning of a relationship, but it eventually becomes a problem as time goes by. In the beginning it will be perceived one way and as time goes on it will be perceived another way.

Being high on oxytocin - along with focusing on other properties - may play a role in why something is not perceived as a problem early on. Each person can get entangled in how they feel and the idealized image they have of the other, making it difficult for them to think and see the other clearly.

This will pass

Once they begin to settle down emotionally and are able to think and see more clearly, their view of the other will change. They will no longer float in the clouds; their feet will be back on earth.

One person may start to believe that the other person has changed even though they may be doing the same things they did when they first met. Taking all this into account, it is not hard to see why falling in love is seen as equating to high drug use.

A few examples

So when someone starts dating another person, they may appreciate how that person makes the big decisions, so they can lean back, so to speak. Or they can admire how outgoing they are and how they can easily start conversations with others.

However, as time passes, someone who makes the decisions can make them feel trapped and as if they can't express themselves. And being with someone so outgoing can make them feel ignored, jealous, and they may fear that their partner will cheat.

Final thoughts

If something like this happens, it's a good idea to step back and see what happens. If they can do this, they can take responsibility for their own baggage and minimize the amount of conflict that arises.

Many of the problems in our current relationships go back to what happened in our early years. This is something David Richo talks about in his book 'When The Past Is Present'.

Teacher, prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper is from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love and inner consciousness. With over a thousand eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.