The role of food in your social life
Social Life: The words "do you want to come and eat?" can be enough to cause concern to even the most confident of us. What will we wear, who else can be, if we take something with us, will we be able to eat what's on offer, which if something seems too terrible to eat!
I am sure we have all been there and gone through these questions before we go to someone's house. And when it comes to dining out, we can add questions about paying the bill, who drinks alcohol and who doesn't, how formal will it be.
A beautiful invitation to a relaxing meal can suddenly be overshadowed by an abundance of 'what if' thoughts that go through our heads. Fear of looking stupid, inexperienced, a picky eater can make us wonder if we should go.
Of course, all these concerns may depend on the circumstances of the invitation, on how well we know the person or persons involved. Is it a group invitation with colleagues, friends or family or is it a bit more formal, perhaps to join our partner to a business event? Is it a first date, the early stages of a new relationship or something that has been around for a long time?
And then of course there is the other role of food in your social life, the invitation to eat! What does that invitation mean? Will it be a light snack or something substantial? Preparing your response ahead of time so that you are properly gracious and appreciative no matter what is served is an important social skill.
Random social events and food are a potential minefield. I remember supermodel Jerry Hall saying she always had dinner before going to a reception so as not to be tempted by the high-calorie buffets that never fill you up. You never know what you'll find at buffets and canapé events! And then there's the danger of finger food, juggling with a drink, a plate, all while you're chatting or maybe wanting to greet someone or shake hands!
Let's not forget the food guards that monitor what everyone eats. They know who is dieting, who should be dieting! Do we dare to eat something too rich or have a dessert! Do we dare risk the raised eyebrows if we order a creamy pasta sauce or a sticky toffee pudding for dessert?
And allergies! Almost not everyone today has special dietary requirements, ranging from food intolerances to extensive lists of what they will and will not eat. The diverse demands of a larger group often justify eating out and choosing somewhere with an extensive menu suitable for everyone.
Money can be another hot potato. The bill! Should it be shared equally between all guests? But what about the people who barely ate and those others who had multiple courses or expensive choices? Some people may have wanted to be social and get involved, but can't afford to spend a lot. Should they subsidize the others? What about the wine drinkers and the non-drinking drivers? Is it a first date and if so, does the man have to pay, or can it cause discomfort or shame?
Having said this, social eating is a great way to relax and reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Taking time during a meal is fun and one of the most beautiful ways to spend a quiet afternoon or evening. Many restaurants now cater for family gatherings and it is a joy to see several generations sitting together for Sunday lunch, chatting and taking time.
Entertaining at home can be an easy way to spend time together, especially if several people have young children and don't want the potential stress of eating out. One suggestion could be that everyone contributes a dish, so spread the load in terms of cost and effort. Barbecues and picnics also come into their own during the summer months and are a fun way to enjoy outdoor dining and social life.
Safari evening meals are also a good idea, with residents in a street or community planning to take a course at each house and then travel an evening further. Introduce a theme and you end up with an unexpectedly fun time!
We all need to eat, so let's take full advantage of these opportunities to really enjoy the role of food in our social lives.
Susan Leigh, counselor, hypnotherapist, relationship therapist, writer, and media contributor provides assistance with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness, and confidence. She works with individual customers, couples and gives business workshops and support.
